I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
