What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
