i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
