Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Floor bacon is actually really good
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
