When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
