just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
