I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
We just shotgunned beers for America
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
