just come out here and I will go home with you...
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
