I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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