I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
