Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
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