mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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