I'm drive I can fine osifer
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
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