He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
you had me at cake vodka
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
