I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
We left the knife in your bed.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
