Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
