I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
