her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
