I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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