When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
