I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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