Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
