I'm eating all of the evidence.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
