I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
