i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
