you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
