Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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