Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Dicks are not precious.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
