Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
