well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
