you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
The air was thick with penises
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize