If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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