no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i want to swaddle you in tequila
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
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