I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
he fucked my hip out of place.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
