Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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