She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
