She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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