I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
