Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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