I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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