i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
