Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
