woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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