I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
