Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
