Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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