Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
