just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
