I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
