I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
