The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
