you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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