sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
