"it" just moved
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
