Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Come on in and take your pants off
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