I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I faked an abortion last night.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
