It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
