Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
