We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
