I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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