How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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