i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize