$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
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