I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
