Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
