totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
party gras won. party gras always wins.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
