so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
i came on her dog
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
