It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
we made out on top of his cat.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
