I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
