Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
