Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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