Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
