That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
