I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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