hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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