I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
