Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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