i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
