I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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