Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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