you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
