i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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