I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
It's just like the Real World with babies
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
