Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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