Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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