If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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