dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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