My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
