Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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