Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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