how can u be prego again
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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