She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
