how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize