Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
