I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize