He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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