by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
