Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
