She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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