The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
