his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Randomize
