just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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