Joe is yelling at the trees again.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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